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Painting a New Life

Musings of the Day

On Trust and Sovereignty


Hear this read aloud below





"Open Vessel"


Trust is not a word I take lightly and not a decision I make without great care. It requires a certain degree of confidence and knowing that I am secure in whatever I am choosing to trust. There is a difference between trusting fully and abdicating sovereignty in your life. It’s an important distinction to make. Ultimately, we have very little control over what happens, but we do have a say in the direction our lives take. Every choice we make has the potential for rippling out into the world around us and altering the course of our life and that of others.


We talk about “trusting the Universe”, but do we really know what that means? I’m having a difficult time even writing about this because the word is such a slippery topic for me. However, I’ve been guided to do just that, to look at the word and what it means for me and then to implement that as if it were absolutely true…no longer giving lip service to a concept, but living it as a reality, something that takes enormous courage for me.




"Surrender and Trust"



I grew up in a world where trusting those who were supposed to be my protectors and my safety, was unwise. Of course, I didn’t know that as a child, but I came to learn it early on and carried that lack of trust into every aspect of my adult life, unfortunately with the exception of where it would have been most prudent. Abuse shattered my ability to set boundaries to protect myself. Abandonment wounded me in places so deep that the idea of trusting became warped. Sitting here now, attempting to write about a subject that I still struggle with today, I am forced to be honest with myself about my own willingness to live what I know to be true in this regard. To trust myself above all else.


Yesterday I “heard” the message that this was my next piece to write, more for myself than for anyone else, but there is value here for all of us. Here’s what I am aware of now about the distinction between trust and giving up control.


"Nowhere Yet"


I actually looked up the definition so that I was clear for myself and found that there are four conditions of trust, beginning with consistency. This is fascinating because I learned to trust that I would be hurt consistently, that I would be abandoned consistently and that I could depend upon the fact that those who I was supposed to be able to trust to be there for me, would not be, with absolute consistency. My entire relationship to trust was skewed.


Faith or trust is not about blindly giving over control to someone or something because we’re told we should. Trust is earned and it is also a choice. This is not about abdicating sovereignty over your own life. As I have come to see, it is more about courage than anything else, but courage taken once you are clear that trust is warranted. Over the course of many years, I’ve been shown over and over again that when I am clear on what I want, ready to receive it and willing to have it come in whatever way it comes, then whatever I have requested shows up. Some might call this a miracle, coincidence or simply chance, but I know better. And these “miracles” occur in my life when I have done the work of clarifying what I want and clearing any resistance to having it. Things just show up. Not in the time or in the form I thought I wanted, but usually better than I could have imagined for myself. My challenge is to trust that even when it looks like nothing is coming my way, the treasures awaiting me are just that-awaiting me. Waiting for me to open to receiving them in whatever form they might take and in the time that is for my highest good, not according to my personal clock.


"A Slice of Heaven"


This brings me to sovereignty, having ultimate power and authority in your own life. Knowing that no one and no thing can decide what is right or best for you except you. Sovereignty and control are similar, but distinct. Sovereignty is more about being at liberty to decide your own thoughts and actions whereas control is about exerting influence over something. Most of us get the two concepts intertwined. As a former control junkie, I’ve learned that it is the freedom I desire, not the control. Controlling everything in my life has ONLY caused me grief, but taking responsibility for the freedom of my own desires and decisions has been liberating.



"Sovereignty"



Trust and sovereignty go hand in hand. The more I accept and trust my own authority, my own intuition, and my soul’s desires, the greater sovereignty I have in my life. Which then gives me an increased ability to trust the unseen forces at play. It all had to begin with trusting myself to know what is best, what is in my highest good, and heeding my intuition when something or someone isn’t right for me. This requires the courage to stand by what I know even when, and maybe especially when, it is contrary to how something appears to be. I have come to trust myself in a way that I should have been able to trust those in charge as a child and that self-trust has been hard won. As I said, this kind of confidence has to be earned especially when it comes to trusting ourselves.


"Deep in the Belly of the Earth Lie Her Treasures"


I might be rambling on here a bit, but that is because I’m still trying to find my way through this elusive subject. In my quiet times, in my heart and soul, I have asked for signs, for something to show up to help or guide me and I have always received all that I’ve asked for. I have had to let go of how I imagined my requests would be fulfilled. In all honesty I haven’t always expected this fulfillment, but when I notice things showing up seemingly out of the blue, I take a breath. Ah yes. Of course. Do the work. Trust my gut. Communicate. Accept responsibility for the path I know is mine and say yes when something is given to me on that path. This is both sovereignty and trust. Some learn this early on in life. For me, it has come through some very hard lessons.


The treasures we seek in life are all here waiting for us. Once we are clear on our path, willing to embrace our deepest yearnings and able to accept full responsibility for both, the people and opportunities that come our way seem to align with a kind of ease and grace that can feel miraculous. It is when we don’t do the work of self-reflection and clearing the blocks to being the best version of ourselves, that the guidance coming our way can seem harsh. If my life has been any example of this, I hope it serves to enlighten others so that they don’t have to wait so long to trust in the unseen, the coincidences and synchronicities of life. Most of all, trust in themselves.


"The Path to the Holy Grail is Strewn With Flowers"




I am grateful to say that my lessons have been gentler these days because I am listening, an open vessel for the guidance and help that is coming my way. I have not mastered the practice of trust, but I’m more aware than ever before that my guidance and help from the unseen forces in my life, have always been there for me, waiting for me to open and have the courage to receive more than my limited vision could imagine possible.


I would love to hear your thoughts on this.




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