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Painting a New Life

Musings of the Day

On Loneliness


Hear this read aloud




"The Sacred Temple Within"

I remember a time in my life when I loved being alone. I felt so full that being alone was like being surrounded by loved ones. At the time I was young and living on my own. It was summer in New England. I had all the time in the world to do my art and writing. I was living in a rundown apartment with a friend from college, but to me it was heaven. I had a big sunny room all to myself. I remember the sunlight streaming through my window warming my skin as I sat on the floor painting. My days were spent creating art. Outdoors on the lawn overlooking the university or in my sunny room, I could focus on my connection to Spirit and how it played across the paper in lines and colors. I wrote from my heart. I shared my innermost thoughts and feelings with myself. I was my own confidant and best friend. Though I didn’t spend time with anyone else that summer, I had myself in a way I never had before. Looking back, I am in awe of how that came to be. It wasn’t planned in any way, nor do I know what was so unique about that time that enabled me to feel such fullness.


I had forgotten about that summer until now.


The memory came back as a response to the question I asked myself this morning: “Was there ever a time in my life when I didn’t feel lonely?”


This was the one time that came to mind. I wish I knew what happened to disrupt that connection. Was it a return to the rigors of college life, the stress of a relationship, or simply that I had been given the gift of that experience to tuck away for a later time when I needed to remember that it was possible? Somewhere along the line, in the midst of living and surviving my life, I succumbed to the illusion and the tug of fear. It took me away from myself and away from that glorious connection I experienced that summer, into a lonely place of disconnect from all that felt life-giving. Close to 50 years have passed and I am still on the path to finding my way back, or, perhaps it’s forward, to a state of reconnection.


"Dance of the Tree Spirits"


My sense is that this truth is also trying to connect with me. We are reaching for one another across a dark abyss. Every once in a while, I have a flash of something, a memory or possibly an energy in the form of thought, finding its way to me. There are other events in my life, chance meetings, that come back at times, telling me that nothing has truly been by chance. They remind me that everything I’ve been given along the journey back to myself has been either food for that particular moment, or something to store away for another time. It’s funny how these things resurface. That summer in New England was gone from my mind for 50 years.


Now it feels like the lifeline I need.

"The New is Possible Only in the Undoing of What Has Come Before"



There is one thing I now know without a doubt. My loneliness has come about from two things I can identify and remedy. The first is the key and most essential piece.


Loneliness is the result of loss of connection with myself and with Spirit, and with that comes the illusion that I am totally alone. The second, the lack of resonance with people who can see who I am on the multidimensional level at which I live. It’s rare to find those people, but they exist. They will find their way to me like magnets to truth, somewhat like a tuning fork. When I have resonance with someone, feel seen by someone, my energy strengthens. In the absence of that it’s very easy for me to lose sight of who I am. I believe we all need that. We all strengthen in the presence of those who vibrate at our frequency. Like tuning forks, our energies hum when we find someone whose vibration is in tune with ours.


"The Ecstasy of Resonance"


The antidote to loneliness is about those two things—the connection with myself and Spirit and being in the presence of like energy.


Though I wish for a sense of community, it is the first that I focus on now. I know, like that summer in New England, a deep sense of peace and fullness is possible when I have myself. As my connection to my own truth emerges more powerfully, I am naturally attracting both people and situations that are of like energy. My experience is that many like souls are seeking each other out now, because it is time to find one another and shift the vibration of the planet to a higher level.


If you are a kindred spirit, I welcome the connection with you. Feel free to reach out either by responding to this post, on FB or through my contact form.




These prints are available on the "DK Hillard Art/Awakenings" gallery of images here.

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