Musings of the Day
Michelangelo and Me
Hear this read aloud below
When asked how he created the famous sculpture, The David, Michelangelo said that he simply removed everything that wasn’t “it.” I saw The David many years ago when I traveled through Italy and I was awe struck. What had been revealed when all was stripped away was a masterpiece beyond anything I had seen. One would never suspect such a work of art when viewing the raw stone.
Now I find myself, the sculptor and painter of my life, in the process of creating my own masterpiece. My approach up till now has been one of addition. Asking myself what was missing instead of what needed to be stripped away. Of late I have received some potent guidance from both the Spirit world and the medical, each telling me that what is needed is removal, cleansing of what isn’t “me.”
On the purely physical level, this is one of toxicity. I have been absorbing everything, and I do mean everything, that I have been exposed to. My body has a genetic anomaly that makes it impossible for me to detoxify. This means that I hold onto everything I am exposed to without discrimination. Good for me or not, my body takes it in and holds on.
On a spiritual level, this is somewhat the same thing. My ancestral lineage is one of having to hold onto what we had out of fear and survival. My ancestors were persecuted and thrust from their homes with nothing. Upbringing reinforced the belief in scarcity and fear, and my own role in the family taught me that control was the only way to survive. I have held on for dear life all of my life. Now I find that it’s time to let go.
For someone whose life has depended upon holding on, both physically and spiritually, and whose body is designed to hold on, release is terrifying. Control feels like survival. It is ingrained in my cells to hold on with the idea that as long as I do, I will be free. But that is the complete opposite of the truth. Holding on for dear life has been making me ill on multiple levels. Control has kept me from the freedom I dream of.
Half way through this year of “Painting a New Life” I am at the point where it is time to become a sculptor, to chisel away the excess that isn’t “me.” This will reveal the raw truth beneath what I have been seeking all of my life, my SELF. I have no idea what this will look like, what I will need to release that I still believe I need or what will be left after everything that isn’t me is gone.
Who will I be? I might not be recognizable to myself or I might actually see my true self for the first time.
I can feel myself unraveling as I write this. The threads of my life seem to be pulling away, leaving holes where there was once a semblance of stability. I sense a hurricane approaching and the best I can do is find the eye. A process has begun that was set in motion long ago. Attempting to stop it will only cause more pain. As I paint, write, create in any medium, one thing I know for sure is that there is a phase in the process where I feel quite unraveled. I can’t see the end. I can only see chaos and disarray. I have no idea what will emerge or when. Is the process going to work this time or will I need to throw out my attempts?
But I stay in it. I always stay in it.
I’ve been doing this long enough to know that to create anything of beauty and value, I must be brave enough to be in the presence of what appears to be ugly. I must look at the ugliness of muddy colors, forms that don’t gel, rip apart sewing that isn’t done right, and just trust- in myself, in Spirit and in the creative process itself. It is terrifying and exhilarating at the same time because no one knows if this will be the one time the process fails me. I’m betting my money on beauty and love, truth and intention ultimately shining through.