Musings of the Day
Feeling it All
When I began painting these images, I was not yet aware of the depth of my feelings of loss. My mind knew, but my heart was not able to stay present to the intensity of emotion. In the process of painting, I began to feel what was there all along, what I needed to feel to move beyond. It is the loss of youth, of vigor, of the illusion of infinite time ahead. There is some truth to this. In one sense, as they say, time marches on, but in reality, who I am is ageless, timeless. Who I am is more than the body I live in.
There is the human me who needs to feel the losses of living in a physical body and then there is my soul, an energetic force that exists beyond time and space. Holding both realities at once challenges my mind to the maximum of its limits.
Painting reveals the truth, that, at my core there is a strength and power which is comprised of all the losses, the betrayals, the tragedies as well as the joys, loves and successes of my life. This core is powerful because it holds all of it, each one adding to the intricate tapestry of my life, each pain as important to the whole as its counterpart. Hiding from the pain in our hearts doesn’t make it disappear, nor would it be best if it did. It is all part of us and makes us who we are: strong, weak, vulnerable, powerfully brilliant and real.
One piece speaks of pain, the other peace. One reveals what I could not allow myself to fully feel, the other shows me a vision of what is on the other side of loss. There is rarely one reality, one truth. We are multi-dimensional beings, living in a physical body in a material world. Some of us are aware of other dimensions, of what lies beyond our physical state. Those of us who experience this, are both blessed and tasked with holding all of it at once. We are asked to shed light on the illusion that most of us live under and bring the truth of our limitlessness into greater awareness. This is why I paint, why I write. To bring truth to light for myself and for all of us. To reveal what I need to see for myself and to share that with others because, in reality, we are all connected and feeling similar things. We are all on a path to awakening to the truth at some point on our journey.
Is there something that you have awakened to about yourself that you would like to share? It is in sharing that it becomes more real, cemented in our consciousness as spoken words. I would love to hear!
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