Musings of the day
What Comes First - Faith or Surrender?
I’ve written quite a bit about both of these concepts over the years and had my struggles with each. It seems that my lessons come in layers where they are concerned. Being a hard case, one who sometimes has to get hit over the head to learn something, this one has backed me into a corner again. I had to come face to face with what was required of me from every angle possible, be brought to my knees in anger, grief and frustration, and finally ask for help from the only place that really mattered, before I was ready to accept the truth.
When I say “accept” I don’t in any way mean that it was a negative.
Here’s what I do mean…
With all of my spiritual work over the years, all of the years of deep inner journeys, there were things I knew but wasn’t ready to practice. The truth that there is no separation between the spiritual and the physical when it comes to much of life, was one of those things. I knew it, spoke it, and to some extent lived it, but when it came to the areas where fear ran rampant, I was blind. I was given these health issues as teachers, not as punishment. So when I need to learn something fundamental it usually comes in some form related to my health. This time was no exception.
Without sharing details, let me simply say that I am down to the core of what is making me ill and has been for my entire life. I was given this message years ago in a number of ways, but have had to learn the truth of it, as I said, in layers. Here I am, ready to truly shift my life, having declared this shift in writing, and when it came to making that shift, I was stuck. I declared that I was ready to embody who I truly am. I said that this was the year I was going to deal with my health and turn it around. My intention was to shift the patterns of generations, out of fear and into living from love. This was the year of actually “Living a New Life.”
I’ve peeled away layers of health issues and am stronger and healthier in many areas now. But one issue remains and that is core to everything else. It’s my gut. Again, details are not necessary here, but I will say that all of the fear I have housed in my body over a lifetime lives in my gut. I began having issues with my gut as a child and it has continued and worsened as I’ve gotten older. Now at 70, I was facing serious health challenges that threatened my ability to ever live the life I dreamed of. Doctors have told me that there is no hope. Too much damage has been done to fully heal. My options are limited. Those who operate in the spiritual realm and are connected to the truth of miracles and healing, tell me not to believe the doctors, that miracles are possible. But I didn’t believe it for myself. I was afraid to hope. What I didn’t realize was that I had been treating myself as if I was not worthy of those miracles. That somehow they were for others, but not for me. I’m here to tell you that this is not the case.
Faith and surrender.
What does this actually mean and what does it require of us? For me, the miracle is appearing after having faced the truth of what I was doing to block it. Hearing the message from everyone and everywhere I turned, getting really pissed off, throwing a hissy fit, getting depressed, angry and wanting to strike anyone who told me one more time to “let go,” I finally opened my eyes. What I saw was that I had nowhere to turn except to Spirit. There was no one else to ask for help because they were all telling me the same thing. Even the medical doctors were giving me the same message in their own way. I had no option except to turn to the one place where miracles were possible. Because I needed a miracle and fear was getting in the way. I had no faith and no trust. I was holding on for dear life trying to control the situation when, in actuality, that was the very problem.
When someone who has lived an entire lifetime believing that in order to survive, she had to control every detail of her life, is being told to let go - well that is lunacy. You mean I have to do the very thing that I believe will be the end of me? So I went to Spirit. I went back to a practice I had set aside thinking it no longer worked for me. What I found was beyond my wildest imaginings. I made a declaration. I asked for exactly what I needed and wanted. And I asked for a sign, one that was clear enough that I couldn’t deny its truth. And hours later I got that sign. I was astounded. I knew in that moment that everything that I wanted for myself was possible. All I had to do was say yes. Yes to whatever was being asked of me to let go of, to put into practice, to shift. Yes to having faith. Yes to letting go of whatever I needed to release. I received a miracle that day and my health is improving. Will I ever be 100% healed? I don’t know and it really doesn’t matter. What does matter is that I now know without any doubt that miracles are real, that they are possible for me and that surrender and faith are the key to all that I want for my life.
If you ask me how I came to this point I can only say that after decades of work, lessons learned and relearned, uncovering layers upon layers of truths, I came face to face with the core of what was making me ill. But I had to travel the path, step by step. There were no shortcuts. And we each have our own path to walk to learn whatever we are here to learn. I can’t point to a roadmap, but I can say that if my experience resonates at all with you, perhaps it can provide hope and evidence that the seemingly impossible is possible when you have faith.
Listen to this read aloud below