Beginning the Next Chapter
For My 70th Birthday
Hear this read aloud below
I wrote this poem without realizing that it was a love letter to myself for my birthday, a time in my life of great transition. My journey to loving myself has spanned lifetimes, during which I have questioned whether I would ever feel as I do now. But my intention and the guidance I’ve received, have brought me to a fork in the road. I knew that it would happen in my 60’s and here I am days from my 70th birthday and down to the wire. Without my conscious control, I have shifted to living my truth and strengthened my commitment to myself. It happened in a flurry of chaos that has been my life, a barrage of medical issues, surgeries, treatments, debilitation. It happened when I wasn’t trying, when I was trying, when I thought all was lost. It has been happening all along whether it appeared that way or not and here I am - at that fork in the road I have been searching for all my life.
At the place where my choices will lead me to the life I have longed for.
No, this isn’t paradise in the usual sense of the word. It’s not all roses and sunshine. My idea of paradise is living my truth, speaking my truth, coming out of hiding my truth and being who I am in all aspects of my life. It is about loving myself so much that I refuse anything less.
The poem I share is “The Gates.” It speaks of owning my own "kingdom", my life as it was intended to be. Of claiming what is mine and, in reality, has been all along. And it speaks of the one thing that has kept me from myself - fear. As 2022 was coming to a close images were pouring out of me. I couldn’t stop. They all said something similar to me, that I was at a crossroads, ready to burst out of my cocoon and expand beyond anywhere I had ever been. I have included a few of them here as a preview. You will be able to see more of them on my website. As always, my images showed me what was happening within and what was soon to become my external reality. Things I had imagined, envisioned, for decades, suddenly began appearing at my doorstep. I had stopped trying to be what I was and was simply BEING it. My paradise might look different than most, but after lifetimes of living in hiding, afraid to be who I am in the world "out there," the freedom to take a breath and speak my truth, is heaven to me. This year I am coming out from behind the curtain.
My birthday gift to myself, Self love and commitment, Full breaths, The Freedom to be.
My lifelong quest has led me here
To the gates of my own kingdom
Where my love lies in wait
Where my heart can rest
And I can fly free
Yet I run from this place
From the journey within
The only place that truly exists
I run when the illusion of fear
Catches up with me
There is nowhere to go
No place to escape
When truth reveals itself to me
A pledge from the past
Holds fast to my ankles each time I turn away
The gates to my kingdom stand before my eyes
Lavishly adorned and inviting
I yearn for the bounty that lies inside
Though my mind is filled with the illusion
Of treacherous demons at the door
The demon is fear
It always has been
Instilled long ago to keep me hidden away
Ruling my kingdom in my absence
Keeping me from my home
A home that is dark
A home filled with light
A home where my heart
Can beat freely to its own rhythm
And my breath flows with ease
I say I am courageous and true
That I live in both worlds
And though that is true
The other is too
I run to and from when the illusion rules my mind
I have lived long enough
On this side of paradise
Dancing in circles
Holding my breath
With fear as my partner
The years are passing quickly now
I know too much
To feign blindness
My quest has led me to my own doorstep
Once again
With nowhere to turn
I take one simple step
To open the latch and enter the darkness within
Where all that I seek
Lies waiting for my claim
And I see that the gates
Beautiful as they are
Are also an illusion
There is nothing and never has been
Anything separating me from my kingdom except me
DK Hillard 2022
It has taken me years of deep inner work to be where I am, to claim my life and own it fully. Now I want to help others do the same. Your essence, your true soul's essence, needs to guide your life, not fear. If you would like to talk about having a "Soul Portrait" created for you, I would be honored to do so. The process is a collaborative one in which you will gain greater access to the truth of your soul and come away with a painting or a fabric creation as a symbol of your essence. It is not a portrait in the traditional sense, rather an expression of who you are on a soul level. This is about bringing the unseen "you" into material form, a way to gain access to yourself and your truth in a unique way.
Read more about "Soul Portraits" here.
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