Musings of the Day
My New Year's Gift To Us All
A Love Affair
Hear this read aloud below
It was right in front of my eyes all along, the love of my life. I see her in the mirror each day. Sometimes in passing I notice her brilliance, her courage, her wisdom. Oftentimes, the best of me goes unnoticed in the din of the chatter all around and within. I’ve mistakenly envisioned that there would be someone outside myself to fill this place in my heart, always disappointed when they fell short. After a lifetime of living and breathing together, of surviving the storms and braving the wilds, I have fallen in love with my constant companion. Fallen in love with the darkness I enter and the light I project out of it. Become enamored with my own strength and willingness to face whatever lies in the way of my truth, my dreams and my freedom to be who I am. This isn’t to say that I don’t love others, because I do, deeply. But that old saying, “You can’t fully love anyone else until you love yourself,” is more true to me now than ever.
My heart was closed to the image in the mirror, always berating myself for not being who I thought I should be, not measuring up to someone else’s standards. My heart was wounded by the judgements of those who were supposed to love me unconditionally and I took that on as reason to keep wounding myself. So the love of my life, the one I have lived with every day for seven decades, has suffered invisibility. Not only from others, but from myself. If I couldn’t see myself, how could I expect others to see me?
I am beginning a new love affair now, reuniting and reconciling with the only one who will never leave me. All these years crying over abandonment, and it was me who abandoned myself first. This person I see in the mirror every morning when I brush my teeth is the one I will see every day for the rest of my life. She will be the only one to accompany me as I pass on to the unseen in the end. She will be the only one who carries the imprint of all that I have lived and experienced. And she is the only one who has been with me throughout each lifetime, taking on the form necessary for the lessons yet to learn.
How many lifetimes will it take for me to fall deeply in love with this incredible lover, friend and warrior? I believe it is now that I turn towards the mirror and melt into my own eyes, into the memories that only we share and into the future that we, that I, am creating. I believe it because I see it in my eyes. It is time.
What do you see when you look into your own eyes? My invitation is to do just that, and feel beyond the image looking back at you. Let your eyes tell you who you are and then see if you can help falling in love with what you discover. As this year is closing and a new one about to begin, wouldn't it be incredible to begin it with a love affair of your own?
I would love to hear your experience!